My layer of life- Seasons of Health, Acceptance, and Reality

Holding On to the Old Version of Myself

When my health started declining in late 2018 going into 2019, I was desperate to hold onto the old version of myself — the one I knew and trusted, the one that could push through anything, that could grind in the gym, hit stage goals, and “perform” as I had for years.

When Body and Mind Don’t Align

As the years went on, I realized just how disappointing it was when my body was telling a different story from my mind. I wanted to be strong, lean, disciplined — but my body, weakened by health issues, inflammation, and chronic stress, was saying, “Not today, Jenn.”

Seasons to Push, Seasons to Accept

There are seasons to push, and there are seasons to accept. And I think, as women, we often believe that every season should be about fitting an ideal — whether it’s a scale weight, a stage goal, or an event goal. But it’s more than that. It’s also about perceived expectations from other people.

The Credibility Myth

As a coach and former competitor, I know this firsthand. Women would DM me saying they wanted to work with me because of how I looked, or because of how a particular client looked. Images sell, and it’s true — we are very visually oriented in this industry. It’s not just a thought or a fleeting insecurity; it’s a reality of the business and culture we navigate.

People in this industry create this mindset around credibility tied to appearance, and more often than not, I’ve found that the people walking around “looking the part” have the most unhealthy, distorted relationship with self and food. When I was keeping up with the Joneses, it involved daily scale checks, constant progress pics, anxiety around missing workouts, anxiety around being “perfect” with my diet day in and day out, and honestly — a lot more insecurity than I feel now.

Looking the Part ≠ Being Well

Here’s the hard truth: looking the part did not equal being well. The reality was, I was just as sick — if not sicker — when I was walking around “shredded.” And when I say shredded, I don’t mean two-weeks-out stage prep. I mean shredded to the average eye. The kind of lean that makes people think, “Wow, she’s perfect,” while your body is quietly screaming from inflammation, illness, or fatigue.

When to Pause, Not Push

I also think that focusing on body composition or the scale while undergoing medical issues — unless it’s something like obesity driving metabolic syndrome — just shows how fucked up your mind is with reality. It should be a case for a pause, not a push. A lot of people, particularly competitors, get caught up in control and bravado — believing they can “push through anything.” The discipline of bodybuilding teaches us that. But when you’re truly faced with waves of health crises, this has to change. For me, it really caught me off guard.

Learning That Health Matters More Than Appearance

It took me years to learn that my health matters more than appearances, and that acceptance is not giving up. It’s listening, adjusting, and respecting where you are in your life and body. Seasons of pushing and seasons of pausing are both valuable. Both teach resilience. Both teach patience.

Why I’m Sharing This

Because as I coach women through varying seasons, with my three decades in the trenches, I see women — and men — holding on while barely holding on. I want to remind you that there is a time, a place, and a season for reality.

That doesn’t mean you can’t be involved, have a coach, or take care of yourself — those are not the same thing. It means constructing goals that fit into reality, not trying to force your body into a reality it can’t meet during that season.

I’m sharing this because I want you to know: it’s okay to have a “layer of life.” It’s okay to let your body dictate the pace sometimes. And it’s okay to choose health, REALITY, and YOUR MENTAL HEALTH over image, every damn time.